Gift Giving

Dear Family and Friends,

The other day there was a knock at the door. When I went to answer it, the postman handed me a package, smiled, and left. I was surprised. I had not ordered anything. So, I was curious as to who would have sent me something. 

It turned out to be a padded envelope full of goodies: a pink neck scarf, an indigo pouch, a cute tourist magnet from Okinawa, and a colorful cloth bag with a rather heavy handle. 

Even after seeing what was inside, I wondered why my friend had sent me these things. And why now?

But then I remembered she had asked me to visit her skin care salon a few days before. However, she had to cancel at the last minute. Unexpectedly, a colleague had broken her leg and my friend had to fill in for her. I know how uncertain life can be, so the change did not bother me. But my friend felt she needed to apologize with more than words. Hence the gifts, or “omiyage”.

But as I looked at them again, as nice as they were, I realized they were probably things that had been tucked away in a drawer, or even presents from someone else. And indeed, very often gifts go round and round. In fact, I have a basket full of treasures that I have received and that I hope to pass on someday.

Japan is truly a gift-giving culture. Of course, there are standard times for this, like the New Year and the change of seasons. And then there are remembrance gifts, nice-to-see-you gifts, pop-by-for-a-chat gifts, I-apologize gifts, I-am-grateful-to-you gifts. Not to forget special regional gifts from all over the country. The list goes on and on.

Of course, the Japanese know exactly what is appropriate for each occasion. But most of the time, I have no idea. So, many times, I end up offering something “that only a foreigner would think of”. I also very often over-give or under-give.

“Omiyage Culture” is like teetering scales, endlessly rocking back and forth. This culture is one of perpetually seeking balance. Among other things, that means good human relations are crucial. Natural disasters are part of the fabric of this country and people know they need each other to survive. So, quietly, consistently weaving together connections is a natural part of life here.

When I look at my years here, I realize the best gift I have ever received is not tangible. It is a change of attitude. Gradually, over time, I have evolved into being open to many points of view, not just my own. And equally, I have developed a profound sense of gratitude. For just about everything: the big, the small, and whatever lies between. 

Love,

Anne