Thinking of Others

Dear Family and Friends,

I really love people who are transparent. I do not mean that in the usual sense of openness and honesty. Rather, I mean it as people who are selfless to the point of being almost egoless. They are, they do, but hold on to almost nothing.

Transparent people do not seem to have an ego. Instead, everything flows through them. They most often live an ordinary life, and do not consider themselves special. Yet, they are an integral part of their community. And they are dearly loved, just for being who they are.

Several of my friends are like that. One was an old lady who lived down the street from me. She was so crippled with arthritis she could barely walk. Yet, on occasion I met her on the narrow street where she lived. Every time we met, she had only positive things to say.

“Isn’t the blue sky gorgeous? And look how lovely the clouds are.”

“Today the temperatures are just right, aren’t they? It feels so refreshing.”

“I am so bless that my sweet husband built this home for me before he died. It is perfect at this stage in my life.”

Even though she was obviously in a lot of pain, she never complained. In fact, she never talked about herself, except to express gratitude for those who helped her.

After she died, I was honored to talk to her son, who was cleaning out her home. “I loved your mother. She was one of the sweetest, purest persons I have ever known.”

My friend Izumi showed me that same sort of selfless attitude one day. It was beastly hot and her shoes were causing blisters. She was hobbling along, but saying nothing about her discomfort. I was concerned, so I asked her about it. I also told her if I were in her situation, I would be complaining like crazy.

“Why should I do that?” she said. ”It won’t make my feet feel better. And it surely would be very unpleasant for everyone around me. So, it is best just to be quiet or talk about something different.”

Another of my friends turns herself inside out with generosity. She lives in the first apartment of this complex. She has a barber shop, which is well known. Throughout the day, people come for a haircut or a chat. So, she knows everyone and everything in this community. But she never focuses on herself.

In fact, she is known mostly by her thoughtfulness towards others. She loves cooking, for example, and giving food away. I am a lucky recipient of her benevolence. As are many others.

She has had her shop in the same place for over 25 years. She lives upstairs, and comes running down whenever anyone comes to see her. Her apartment itself is stark. She has tatami floors, a futon, and a Kotatsu low table. That is it. She says, “I have all I need. Why keep things? It is better to give them away.”

Her heart is abundantly full, so she is rich and shares whatever she has. That is natural for her. And she does not want to be noticed or praised for any of it. In fact, her ego is not anywhere to be found. She is there, but also very transparent.

Last month, though, there was a sign on her shop door. “I will be closed for a while. I do not know when I will be back.” She had not mentioned anything to anyone about this unexpected change. Her shop is usually always open, so everyone was confused.

She came back several weeks later and immediately resumed her normal routine. She got up early, did morning exercises in the park, cut hair, kept the area clean, cooked and gave food away.

But she had become very thin. She finally told me she had cancer. The first operation was in the large intestine. The next one will be for organs above that. It seems this ugly intruder has also entered her lymph glands.

“I am not at all worried,” she told me. “If I have work, I will be fine. In fact, as soon as I get out of the hospital, I will call a client friend to come for a haircut. Once I start work again, things will go well for me. I am sure of it.”

Bless her courageous spirit.

And now I realize the tide is turning. She has given so much to so many. So, now it is our privilege to give back to her. In the process, I hope we will be as generous, egoless, and transparent as she has always been to us.

Love,

Anne