You are, therefore I am

Dear Family and Friends,

Gradually the concept of a separate self is emerging in Japan. But basically, the core mindset is, “You are, therefore I am.” This is a collective culture, so identities easily bleed into each other. “I am me, of course – but only because of my family, my teachers, my boss, my colleagues, my friends, and my community.” In other words, “I am a part of all that I have met.”



 
“My daughter works much too hard. She never gets enough sleep. She and her husband come here for dinner every night at 10 pm and fall asleep at the table. No wonder she became so sick yesterday. I’m worried about her with her terrible life style. That’s why I’m cooking her husband’s favorite dish for tonight. I’m sure that will make her feel better.”




The little lady who lives near me is very poor and lives in what could be called, as a compliment, a shack. When I passed her place last summer, I commented on the lovely vegetables crowded into her teeny garden. “Here, my dear,” she replied, “let me give you some cucumbers and eggplants. We can’t let someone go without giving them our best, now can we?” I thanked her for her generosity, but politely refused her kind offering, well aware she needed it more than I.

Another older woman lives in the same apartment complex that I do. She comes over three or four times a week with something still warm from her stove. “I grew up in a family of eight kids. We always shared. You know, food, clothes, school books, everything. Now I live alone, but I can’t stop cooking for a huge family. And besides, I like connecting to people, and I guess food is my way to do that. Giving like this makes me feel complete.”



 
Much to my annoyance, I lost my umbrella the other day. Since it was a rainy week, I had to buy another one. Quite a while later as I passed my local Shinto Shrine, what was there? My umbrella, exactly where I had inadvertently left it. “Of course, it was still there!” my friend said, surprised at my amazement. “Whoever saw your umbrella knew that if they took it, it would have inconvenienced you. So, they left it.” And sure enough, all over this city you can find lost items placed so they can be easily spotted. Even money is often left right where it happened to fall. “And besides, it was next to a Shinto Shrine,” my friend added. “No one would dare take anything from there.”



 
One of my favorite students graduated recently, plus landed a good job. “Congratulations, Toshi. What is the first thing you want to do in your new life?” I asked with interest. “I am where I am now because of my parents. So, with my first pay check I want to treat them to a gorgeous spa weekend. I want to let them know how grateful I am, not only for my education, but for raising me and taking care of me all my life.”

The other day in my advanced discussion seminar the students were discussing the difference between “the right to be happy” and “the right to pursue happiness”. “To be happy is passive; to pursue happiness is active,” came the obvious reply.
            “Yes, but can you give me an example?” I pressed.
            “I am happy when I work hard and get what I want. You know, like when I study diligently and get a good mark. Then I feel very satisfied. That is for me, so it is passive.”